“Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.” — Napoleon Bonaparte
「知之者不如好之者，好之者不如樂之者。」—《論語 · 雍也》
with intrinsic motivation
Your external reality is often a manifestation of your internal reality. Don’t look out, look in.
Humans are socially conditioned in nature — we are driven for external and social validation from others.
Compete externally and you compare. Compete internally and you improve.
Stop people-pleasing. Everyone thinking you’re great means nothing, if you don’t think you’re great. Be impressive to others is overrated. Be impressive to yourself. You don’t need to impress anyone but yourself. You become inhumanly strong when you try to impress only one person: YOU. You are always going to win the “YOU” game. The only person you have to compete against is yourself. You learn the most when there is nobody to cheer you but yourself.
Don’t be a people pleaser (好好先生)
- 不要有了頭銜，卻失去了名字，就像法老王一樣。
- Parable: 父子騎驢
- Analogy: 腦袋壞掉的中央空調
Focus on the internal scorecard (追求內在成就), not the external/social approval/validation/affirmation/rewards (追求外在成就 1)
- Internal competitiveness—the desire to learn and grow relative to the version of you from last year—is a trait of the perpetually fulfilled and is a blessing
- External competitiveness—the desire to beat others—is a trait of the perpetually miserable and is a curse
Autotelic Personality v.s Exotelic Personality
- Autotelic people (成長心態) get fulfillment from immersing themselves in the experience of moving towards a goal
- Exotelic people (定型心態) get their satisfaction from reaching that goal at any cost
Good Questions
- Would you rather be the world’s greatest lover, but have everyone think you’re the world’s worst lover? Or would you rather be the world’s worst lover but have everyone think you’re the world’s greatest lover?
- If the world couldn’t see your results, would you rather be thought of as the world’s greatest investor but in reality have the world’s worst record? Or be thought of as the world’s worst investor when you were actually the best?
- Would you still be interested in buying/learning/doing this thing if you cannot show it to anyone or tell anyone about it except yourself?
David Brooks - Résumé Virtues vs Eulogy Virtues
So I’ve been thinking about the difference between the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the ones you put on your résumé, which are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that get mentioned in the eulogy, which are deeper: who are you, in your depth, what is the nature of your relationships, are you bold, loving, dependable, consistency? And most of us, including me, would say that the eulogy virtues are the more important of the virtues. But at least in my case, are they the ones that I think about the most? And the answer is no.
中文相關文章&影音
The Two Side of Our Natures, which are at war with each other. We happen to live in a society that favors Adam I, and often neglects Adam II. [@soloveitchikLonelyManFaith2006]
| Adam I | Adam II |
|---|---|
| the ambitious side of our nature | the humble side of our nature |
| wants to conquer the world | wants to obey the world |
| savors accomplishments | savors inner consistency and strength |
| asks how things work | ask why we’re here |
| motto is “success” | motto is “love, redemption, and return” |
| run by external/economic logic: input leads to output, risk leads to reward, etc. | run by internal/inverse/moral logic: you have to give in order to receive, you have to surrender to something outside yourself in order to gain strength within yourself, you have to conquer the desire in order to get what you want, you have to forget yourself in order to fulfill yourself, you have to lose yourself in order to find yourself, etc. |
| built by building your strength | built by fighting your weaknesses |
See also:
- Comparison is the thief of joy
- Escape competition through authenticity
- Change yourself to change the world
- Mastering yourself is superpower
- Why We Exist
Footnotes
-
皆為身外之物 ↩