criticism

“To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.” — Elbert Hubbard

“The trouble with most of us is that we’d rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.” — Norman Vincent Peale

“Take criticism seriously, but not personally. If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you.” — Hillary Rodham Clinton

“Against criticism we can neither protect nor defend ourselves; we must act in despite of it, and gradually it resigns itself to this.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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“People who rarely receive criticism often take feedback too personally and miss opportunities to learn. People who frequently receive criticism get used to ignoring what others say and also miss opportunities to learn. The thing to focus on is the pattern. If you hear something once, don’t let it wreck your mindset. There are many ways to view the world and not everyone will agree with your approach. But if you’re hearing something repeatedly, think carefully about whether the feedback is right.”

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Criticism Sandwich

• First praise the person for something, then deliver the criticism, and then close with topic-shifting praise to exit the sensitive topic.
• Example:

You: Hi, Mara. Do you have a second?

Mara: Sure. What’s up?

You: First, I wanted to thank you for helping me with the Meelie Worm account [or whatever]. I really appreciate you showing me how to handle that. You’re really good at fixing the technical issues.

Mara: No problem.

You: Here’s the thing. ¹ There is a lot of work coming down on everyone, and I’m feeling ² a bit overwhelmed. Normally, priorities are really clear to me ,³ but I’ve been having trouble recently figuring out which tasks are highest on the list. Could you help me by pointing out the most important items when a handful need to be done? I’m sure it’s just me, but I’d really appreciate it, and I think it would help.

Mara: Uhh … I’ll see what I can do.

You: That means a lot to me. Thanks. Before I forget ,⁴ last week’s presentation was excellent.

Mara: Did you think so? Blah, blah, blah …

Footnotes

1. Don’t call it a “problem” if you can avoid it. ↩

2. No one can argue with your feelings, so use this to avoid a debate about external circumstances. ↩

3. Take “you” out of the sentence to avoid finger-pointing → “Normally, you make priorities clear.” ↩

4. “Before I forget” is a great segue to the closing compliment, which is also a topic shifter and gets you off the sensitive topic without awkwardness. ↩