Communication is not about saying what we think. Communication is about ensuring others hear what we mean.

State the facts and tell the truth. Speak with integrity—say exactly what you mean and mean exactly what you say.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” — Mark Twain

If you think something, say something. Don’t expect people to guess your thoughts and feelings. Don’t hold a grudge when people didn’t predict what you wanted them to do. Just tell them.
People can’t read your mind ¹ / the thoughts in your head, they can only react to your action/word.
People who use direct/precise/literal sentences ↔ People who use indirect/shadow/implied/figurative sentences
It’s better to be direct about almost everything than to play a game of subtle hints and plausibly deniable nudges.

As Neil Strauss said, “Unspoken expectations are premeditated resentments.” I say, “Shared expectations are adaptive gratification.”

3 Steps to avoid “unspoken expectations”
- Start with facts and what you expect, specifically (think “painting done”²)
- Describe why it’s an expectation or concern
- Ask a question to invite them into the dialogue

The TIP Framework

To ensure clear communication, incorporate these three elements at the start of your message [02:26]:

Topic: Clearly state the subject of the conversation [02:37].
- Example: Start with a clear and specific topic sentence, such as “I’d like to talk about July sales figures” [04:40].
Intent: Explain what you want the other person to do with the information [05:10].
- Example: Clearly state your intent, whether it’s to ask a question, get a decision, or simply vent [07:33].
Point: Summarize the most important information [08:19].
- Example: Deliver the most important information upfront, like “Our project launch is going to be delayed by a month” [09:47].

They are not “mind readers”. ↩
This means to fully walk through expectations of what the completed task will look like, including when it will be done, how it will be used, the context, the consequences of not doing it, the costs—everything you can think of to paint a shared picture of the expectations. ↩

communication